What is excessive empathy?

Excessive empathy may be the loss of the distance that allows objectivity to understand the other, but in a certain current ideology it becomes, in a very unhealthy way, a kind of moral obligation that obliges, even worse, individuals to join the generalized victimization (and at the same time the designation of phantasmal executioners) in a lamentable lament that helps no one.

The excessive empathy makes us forget ourselves, to be empathic is a base which allows to feel what the other can feel but when we are in the excess there are no more two subjects, only the emotions of the other are perceived and we ”do not exist any more” through oneself but the other only.

Just say it. It is to think of the others to their well being, before thinking of ourselves. Why? Mystery.

When you feel what the other person feels without understanding that it is not you

or when you pass their suffering through your own filters, believing that the other person feels the same as you.

In both cases, this is a loss of boundaries, with a possible distortion of the perception of reality.

“Empathy is reaching out to the person in the hole. It’s not jumping in to help him get back up.” Agnès Ledig.

We often call a person with above-average empathy an “empath”. Empaths are hypersensitive to

to the energy and emotions of the people around them. They sense the desires, thoughts, or states of mind of others.

Empaths know when someone is lying. They don’t know how they know, but they know instantly and intuitively. They know who to trust and who to never rely on.

Both a blessing and a curse, this gift requires empaths to learn to protect themselves, as they often lose energy feeling the pain of broken people in desperate need of healing. They tend to attract toxic people to them and suffer from emotional dependence.

Beth Thomas and her brother Jonathan were adopted in the 1980s. Their biological mother had died when Beth was just over a year and a half old, and child protective services found her and her brother alone in their crib next to a bottle of curdled milk.

The adoptive parents immediately noticed a strange and violent behavior in the little girl… Small acts always more shocking than the others, like killing baby birds with her bare hands or stabbing the family dog. When they asked her questions, she would always lie.

Finally, they took her to a therapist and it became clear that she had Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD). It was discovered that, while her mother had been neglectful, her father had sexually abused her at the age of 1. She explained perfectly how: “Daddy hurt me with his penis”.

All of this abuse had left her with no empathy. During therapy, Beth finally stopped lying and even began to disclose her intentions. For example, when her parents found a knife in her room, and her therapist asked her what she was going to do with it, she simply replied, “Kill John, Mom and Dad.

If you watch the documentary, you can hear a 6-year-old girl coldly declare her intention to kill everyone. The cold rage in the voice of someone so young is frightening: Her parents ended up having to lock her in her room at night for everyone’s safety.

And then they finally took her to a center that specializes in treating children with ARD. You can see her in the documentary feeding goats and caring for animals.

The documentary ends with Beth crying after she tried to hurt her classmate. This was probably the first time in her life that she felt remorse!

Through treatment and therapy, she finally learned empathy: she began showing affection for others in her new home, after which she enrolled in high school and befriended her new classmates.

Today, Beth works as a nurse: she helps children with attachment disorders (ADR) and has even written her own book on the subject!

I recommend watching her documentary: “Child of Rage” but be aware that it is not for the faint of heart. You will hear a six year old girl talk about her sexual abuse. You will hear her rage and her intention to kill her family and her brother. It’s hard to watch. However, it is a very deep look at child psychology and what abuse can do to a person.

How to Get Your Book Published?

how to get your book published

HOW TO GET YOUR BOOK PUBLISHED: The Short Answer

  1. Write your book.
  2. Query literary agents about your book.
  3. If you succeed with Step 2 and find a literary agent, your literary agent will sell your book to a specific editor who will champion your book on behalf of the publisher.

HOW TO GET YOUR BOOK PUBLISHED: The Long Answer

Much of why I started this website is because the “short” answer listed above takes a long, long time to achieve. Nonetheless, rarely does a week go by that I don’t receive a message from an aspiring writer asking: “What are the basic steps to get published?” It’s a fair question.
how to get your book published

The long answer to how do you get published is as follows:

1) Read. There is simply no way anyone will ever be taken seriously as a writer unless they read widely. Book people (meaning editors and agents) have such a nuanced grasp of written language, they will know instantly whether you’re a good writer because they will see shades of your influences in your writing. If you don’t have a deep knowledge of your genre, it will show like cracks in a home with a poor foundation. This is the hard answer because many newbies want a shortcut, but there is simply no way around this one, folks.

2) Know yourself. Many industry professionals would agree that most writers have to live a while in order to have experiences to draw from in their writing. Much like answer #1 above, there is simply no shortcut for this step. Writing, at its best, creates pathos (or sympathy for characters), and there is no way to make this happen without spending years and years reading, writing, failing, living… reading, writing, failing, living… and slowly getting better. We learn from our mistakes in life, and every industry professional in book publishing is looking for the signs of this type of wisdom/emotion within any book they take on.

3) Learn about publishing. Without a doubt, the single best way that you could advance your career as a writer would be to take a job in publishing. If you are young and have not yet attended college, I would encourage you to look into going to a college that offers a degree not in Creative Writing but in Book Publishing. There are not many programs like this, and graduates will be strongly positioned to take an editorial position over other candidates. Maybe the single best entry level position at a publisher for a would-be writer would be as an editorial assistant. If working in publishing directly is not feasible, you can freelance or “think outside the box” as I’ve done to learn about the industry. In my own case, I entered the profession by interviewing writers… first in print and then later on TV. I parlayed that experience into interviewing hundreds of industry professionals, and have built a strong readership in the process.

4) Research. If you’re writing non-fiction, doing research is essential. In fact, developing a research process is your very first step. I teach an entire course on research writing at NC State University. If you’re going to write publishable non-fiction, you’re going to have to invest years of reading and research into your topic. If you’re writing fiction, your “research” is going to come from having read widely in your genre for many years. To achieve a believable setting in your novel, you’ll want to have lived in the place where your story is set or have some credible background from which to draw.

5) Write. It goes without saying that you need to write a lot to get any good at it. Writing professionally is no different than playing a musical instrument professionally inasmuch as both require roughly the same amount of dedicated practice to get it down. In fact, “dedicated practice” is euphemistic. Writing professionally requires much more than that; it requires dedicating your entire life to the craft. Many published novelists write five or more novels before they’re good enough to warrant a publishing contract. Others will write as many as 10-15 novels before they’ve mastered the craft enough to earn a paycheck. You’ll find you either have a passion to do this, or not.

6) Revise. I do not enjoy revising. But there’s (here we go again) simply no way around it. Having been at this almost 20 years now, I’m coming around to the realization that at its heart a great story comes from a writer’s suffering and hard work. And the real hard work comes not in the writing itself, but in the revising. Just so you’ve got a ballpark figure: the average novel requires at least a half dozen full-scale edits after the first draft is completed. IMO, these revisions should be done over the course of about two years. There are some parts of a novel that may be read and edited as many as fifty times or more (for my novel The Colorado Sequence, I actually read the opening chapter aloud until I had it memorized verbatim). I would argue that, at least in my case, it helps to have an “editorial” literary agent. That is, my agent is an editor and writer by training, and he forces me to work through a process of full-scale editing that makes my work better.

7) Query. So finally, we’re up to speed with the “short” answer above. The standard step after your book is completed is to research and then query literary agents. I queried over 500 agents before landing my first. And she was unable to sell my novel. I then sent out more than (hold it, hold it) 3,000 query letters before I landed my 2nd literary agent. She, too, failed to sell my novel. I’m not going to say anything about my 3rd (and current) agent, less I jinx what seems to be working so well. Needless to say, I actually spent the better part of five years honing the craft of writing a query letter.

8) Persevere. So the short of it is perseverance. It’s the dreaded advice that every successful novelist gives to the aspiring writer. But the reality is that your ability to hang in there for ten or twenty years is your single biggest ally in the battle to succeed as a writer. If you have the passion and the drive to do this writing thing, then you probably don’t need this advice, because you’ll stick with it no matter what. Maybe the most important step in all of this is “2) Know Yourself.” If you understand what drives you as a writer, and that X-factor is something that will weather relationships, family, kids, growing older, and still draw you to the keyboard, then I’d argue you’re in it for the right reasons. But you’ve got to know what that reason is before you can begin.

Learn How To Use Coupons And Save Money

In today’s economy, everybody is looking for a way to save money wherever they can. One of the easiest and most effective ways to save money is to start using coupons when you shop. But, not everyone sees the value possible with coupons. Here is some great information to help educate you about coupons.

TIP! Keep your eye on the cashier when you are using coupons to make sure that all of them are applied. They can make mistakes by leaving out one or more coupons when processing the transaction.

Some Thoughts on How To Use Coupons?

Manage your time wisely. Using coupons is not easy. You’re going to have to do some work if you are to reap the rewards. Establish a good time for coupon clipping and stick to your schedule to make the practice a habit. Set a schedule and stick to it.

Think about purchasing in bulk. Purchase items you really need when there are coupons.

Use your shopping list to browse the ads as you clip coupons for your shopping trip. You might decide to shop multiple stores in order to reap the most savings.

If you have a coupon for an item that is going to go on sale, then you could save even more money by making use of coupon-clipping services for ordering numerous copies of the coupon. Many of these services advertise on the plethora of coupon websites, saving you some money from not having to buy lots of newspapers.

Use the competitive strategies of retailers to your advantage. Coupons offered at one store will often be honored at another competing store. This means that you will not have to go from one store to another to save money. You might lose your savings when you have to buy gas.

Coupons can be used on many different items across the board. Coupons are available for all kinds of stores, including sporting goods, clothing and bookstores.

Learn the coupon policies of all of your local stores once you understand the basics of using coupons. You can find different deals at different stores. Plan to spend the whole day shopping so that you save gas and maximize savings. Also be sure that you make sure the store you’re going to will accept your coupons to save the most time possible.

Consider bookmarking all of your coupon websites and placing them all in a single folder for easy access. Browse these sites regularly for new deals.

Make use of as many coupons that cross your path as you possibly can. Whether you’re planning on purchasing in bulk or even if you know someone else who can use the coupon, clip out whatever you find that seems like a good deal. Hopefully you won’t eat it all at once, because if you pace yourself then you save save a lot.

When you are serious about coupons, think about buying in bulk. Those coupon collectors that make the most of the opportunity are never shopping for the now.

Make a schedule for coupon clipping. Collecting coupons is the kind of task that you’ll find especially rewarding if you can do it every day. Set aside the time to make sure you collect coupons. If you don’t have any coupons to clip, find some online. Bookmark sites that you find beneficial to your efforts.

If you need more coupons, look in the neighbor’s garbage. Dumpster diving does not mean wading through garbage, you can simply find the newspapers you need and pull them out.

You may want to consider joining your grocery stores customer club if you shop there frequently. Club savings are usually only offered to consumers who hold the card. Many times these coupons save you much more money than the store deals, and it’s free to join.

Take count size into consideration when seeing which size is more cost-effective. It might be better to buy the larger size.

Review your coupons’ expiration dates. Some coupons expire within a matter of days. Others will a month or longer. Make sure you check weekly to see if you now have expired coupons. Take a look at coupons that are expiring in the near future, too. This will enable you to get full value from your coupons.

Do a little coupon comparison shopping when you plan for a special meal at a restaurant. You should be aiming for coupons that offer a percentage off of your total meal rather than an exact dollar amount.

Ask your family and friends to help you save coupons from the newspapers and magazines. This works very well for items that you buy on a regular basis and won’t cost you anything. You can trade them something valuable to them in return for the coupons they give to you.

Let brand-name manufacturers collect your personal data. Sure, you might get a bunch of junk mail you have to throw out, but all those exclusive coupons you get will save you so much money, you won’t care! Fill out coupon surveys and watch for those amazing coupons to start arriving in your mailbox.

Find coupons online. The Internet will give you access to many coupon sites where you can download coupons and print them right on your printer at home. Most sites will allow you to print several coupons on one page. Use these like any other coupon at stores that take them.

Make sure you’re adding different tools and add-ons to help you increase the coupon hunt. You can add a toolbar to your browser to help you find more deals.

Rather than buying extra newspapers, ask other people you know for help. Just have them save the Sunday inserts for any coupons they don’t use. It’s the perfect method for receiving free coupons. Don’t forget to reward them with something free or a beautiful cake form time to time!

Talk to friends or family and ask them to help with cutting out coupons to maximize savings across the board. If you have a coupon that they need, but which you do not, you can be a help to them.

Set aside one day of the week for coupon activities. This should make the matter more effective. There is always something to be clipped, but one day each week should be set aside for strict devotion to finding coupons that you can use for the upcoming weeks.

The more accustomed you become to clipping out coupons, the more locations you’ll find to help you. For instance, you can find websites that actually allow you to buy great coupons.

When using coupons, be sure it’s actually the best deal out there. While the coupon you have may be a decent deal, it is often still better to shop for the off-brand equivalent. Don’t just assume that your coupon will bring you the most savings available.

Share any extra coupons that you have with friends and family members. Be sure to let them know of any deals they might be interested in.

If you are loyal to a particular brand you may want to think about trying something different, otherwise it may end up costing you money when couponing. You can use more coupons and minimize how much you spend on shopping if you are willing to try new brands. A lot of brands are a lot alike, and you may like another one just as much.

Tips on not Wasting Coupons

Do not spend too much time on coupons. It can take up a whole lot of time clipping and organizing all those coupons.

Never throw away old coupons that are past their expiration date. Ask the manager if they will accept coupons that have gone out of date. You could be shocked to discover that the store will actually accept your coupons, even if they have expired.

Many items can be purchased at a big discount at dollar stores using coupons. Many times you can find the brand to match your coupon within a local ‘dollar’ store.

The websites for your favorite grocery stores often contain excellent coupons. You can usually combine grocery store coupons with manufacturer’s coupons in order to increase your savings even more. In addition to these resources, check the shelves at your store for additional coupons. Just swiping your loyalty card at many stores can provide you with coupons based on what you bought.

Every time you go to buy groceries you are going to want to plan out your budget around the coupons that you see. Figure out what you’re going to eat and get coupons ready that will assist you in getting the best deal.

As stated before, coupons offer a wide array of benefits. Hopefully you now understand how valuable they can be. Be sure to utilize all the helpful hints from above before heading out on your shopping adventures. A good way to save a lot of money on your next shopping trip is to cut and redeem some manufacturer’s coupons.

As you are now well aware, you should have a better time dealing with options trading. Hopefully, you can use this information to be successful in the future. Use all these ideas whenever applicable to your personal circumstances.

Understanding The Crazy World of Credit Cards

credit card

Some people fear having bank cards because of potential problems that can occur. There is no reason to fear owning a credit card. After all, bank cards are extremely useful when you find yourself in a situation where you need to buy an item but you don’t have any cash on you. This article presents some tips to follow to ensure you use your credit wisely.

Take note of all your credit card expenditures, so that you are sure that you are spending within your means. It’s easy to lose track of your spending, so keep a detailed spreadsheet to track it.

credit card

Keep a budget that you’re able to manage. You might be tempted to start spending right away when you receive a new card. Don’t do that. Before making your first purchase with the card, draw up a budget. Stick to your budget, and you can build a secure financial future.

What to do if you encounter credit card fraud?

Report any fraudulent charges on your credit cards right away. By doing so you give the credit card company the best chance of catching the thief. Doing this also helps ensure that you will not have to pay for such charges. All it takes is a quick email or phone call to notify the issuer of your credit card and keep yourself protected.

If you have poor credit, consider getting one of the secured bank cards. Secured cards require you to pay a certain amount in advance to get the card. You basically borrow money that you already have and pay for the privilege of doing so. That may not be perfect, but it can be the only possible way to improve your credit score. Use reputable companies to get secured cards. As time goes by, you might even find that the company offers you an unsecured credit card.

Many bank cards offer significant bonuses for signing up for a new card. Be sure that you fully understand the fine print, though, because many of these cards have very specific terms that you must meet to qualify for the bonus. Often, you must spend a particular amount within a certain time period; think about whether or not you can do what the terms require prior to getting excited by the offer.

Do not carry any cards with you that you do not use daily. Although you may have several cards, think of which cards you will need to carry. These cards usually include a gas card and one major credit card. Only place those in your wallet, and leave the rest safe and secure at home.

Check your card statement as quickly as you get them. Look over your statement and make sure there are no discrepancies. This will ensure that you do not have any unauthorized transactions. If you notice them, they need to be reported as soon as possible so the matter can be resolved.

What to do if you credit card reaches a limit?

Your credit card likely reaches with a preset spending limit. Using your credit card just for financial emergencies will help you avoid exceeding your limit. Maxing out your cards limit will hurt you in the long run, as you may not have money to use, when you really need it.

Fill in all spaces when using your credit card at a retail establishment. If there is a blank for a tip, cross it out so that a tip cannot be written in after you’ve signed. You should also always check your statement against your receipts every month to ensure they match up.

Read emails and letters from your credit card company upon receipt. Credit cards can make changes to your fees, interest rates or membership fees, provided they let you know in writing of the changes. Read the correspondence carefully to check for any unwanted changes. You have the right to cancel your card if you don’t like these changes!

The advice that was in this article will lay rest to any fears that you may have in regards to a credit card. Credit cards are really useful if used properly and there’s no reason that someone should be afraid of using them. Just keep the given advice in mind and you should be fine.

A great deal of information is out there about investing advice. Fortunately, this article was filled with only the best tips and advice on the subject. Even though you’ve got much more learning to do, many of your questions should now be answered.